Thursday 28 July 2016

4 INSULTS NOT TO TELL YOUR MAN

Women don’t need to be muscular to fight.
Our wars tend to be more verbal and the
venom from a woman’s tongue-lashing could
be worse than a viper’s bite. Woe unto you if
you find yourself in the path of a woman’s
wrath. These are some of the verbal attacks
women should spare their men:
1.Don’t compare him with your ex:
Well, at
least not loud. You can always make that
comparison in your mind. No man would want
to hear that a fellow guy is superior to him, in
whatever department.
“You know Tom used to rub my feet. You do
not know how to treat a lady!” Shush, woman!
That is not how to put it. How about, “Darling,
I would really love to feel your magical hands
rubbing my feet.” Simple. That will get him
working on your feet better than he polishes
his car!
Your ex might have had a bigger chest, fatter
wallet, better manners, and was a real stud in
bed. But you are not with him now, are you?
So, drop that baggage and work on your
current flame.
2.Don’t belittle his financial status: A man’s
lifeline is his ego. Even those who are more
like pussies want to believe they are fearsome
lions. Just massage that darn thing. A woman
who has mastered the art of stroking a man’s
ego will have him eating from the palm of her
hand and he’ll do anything to please her.
“Mwanamume ni mfuko” is a saying that men
know too well. Nothing puffs a man’s
confidence than the bulge of his wallet. If his
is as voluminous as the Merriam-Webster
Dictionary, he would have a spring in his step
and approach the table of men with an air of
assurance. But a man with a tissue-thin wallet
without a cent to his name to even buy you a
chewing gum, is a timid wreck. The last thing
you want to do is rub it in his face that he is a
broke ass.
“Real men take their women on holiday
overseas, yet you can’t even afford to treat
me to a miserable cup of coffee for my
birthday!” Please don’t go there my sister. The
next time he happens on money, that bugger
is going to drink it all with his friends and
generously tip some barmaid for just laughing
at his dry jokes. After all, you consider him
useless, ama?
Cases of women denying their broke husbands
a roll in the sack are not uncommon. These
women will not just nag, but come to an inch
of physical confrontation at the slightest
provocation, just because the poor guy has
fallen on hard times. Even neighbours can tell
when the man is broke: “Ukiona hao
wakipigana, ujue huyo mwanamume hana pesa, ”
they would whisper. It’s surprising how the
same woman would be proudly talking of “my
loving husband” if the guy gets a windfall.
3.Don’t make fun of his poor performance in
bed:
Some men are just lousy lays. It would
be all over before you can even say
ejaculation! So, there you are, left with an
unfulfilled longing and a rage that could push
you to strangle the snoring excuse of a man
beside you. However, some women have too
much expectation. Just because you watched
a movie in which a woman was held against
the wall and the man kept going at her like a
piston doesn’t mean that happens in real life.
It’s a movie...duh!
If he is a one-minute man whose ride gets
punctured when you are just readying yourself
for a rollercoaster, talk to him. Try and find
solutions to remedy the ‘Johnny-come-quick’
problem. Please, don’t share your sexual
frustrations on WhatsApp, Facebook or in
chama meetings.
Calling out another man’s name when he hits
the sweet spot: If you are a ‘fisilet’ and he’s
not the only man in your life, you know the
rules. No names please...when whoever is
doing it just right, stick to “oh, baby!” no
matter how good it gets,
4.Drag his mother in insults: So your man
came home late high as a kite. You are super
mad at him and feel like kicking him in the
groin. Then he asks for food and you blurt it
out, “Si uambie mamako akupikie!”
Oops! Girl, do not under any circumstance try
that at home! If you must insult him, deal with
him as an individual, no need to drag his
mother or clan into it. Men and their mothers
are like women and their fathers.

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